


I know

by RogueRoulette



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Finds Out, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic Revealed, Post-Magic Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 09:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2502779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueRoulette/pseuds/RogueRoulette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur knows about Merlin's magic. He saw it with his own eyes. The question is what to do now. Merlin lied to him. He broke the law. But Merlin loved Arthur, didn't he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I know

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first work here on AO3. I had a FF.net account, but we don't talk about that tragedy anymore. Anyway, judge lightly. All mistakes are my own. I don't own Merlin or any of the characters. Merlin is a product of BBC.

Arthur didn’t know what to do anymore. He felt like he was drowning, lost at the never ending sea and his lungs filled to the brim with salty water, torturing him slowly until he succumbed to the agonizing grip of death. He was too cold and too hot. Too angry and too not. Confusion rolled through him like waves as he paced his chamber floor. In times like this he used to seek out Merlin. Well, Merlin was never far enough too really make Arthur seek him out. When he found himself at crossroads, Arthur always turned to Merlin. He would rant and rave at the other boy until he felt better. More at peace with himself. Merlin always listened so quietly, so collectedly. He was the calm to Arthur’s storm, always cutting through him to get to the core. Merlin was always so wise in situations like this, taking Arthur by surprise every time. He could cut through to the core of the problem, see the fats Arthur couldn’t, the perspective Arthur was denied by his royal breeding. Merlin would share his advice and Arthur would brush it off as nonsense and then implement it anyway because Merlin was right in the end. He was always right. From day one, Merlin was his voice of reason. He advised Arthur in a way only he could do and he never backed down from his thoughts. Never failed to tell Arthur exactly what he thought, to better Arthur simply by his proximity. Merlin, in a way, completed him. Merlin would know what to do, what to say.

Arthur couldn’t turn to Merlin this time. He couldn’t sit at his desk and rant about his kingly duties. He couldn’t take comfort in the sounds of Merlin bustling around the room. He couldn’t look up with a storm in his eyes, only to have it calmed by Merlin’s bright smile and comforting presence. He couldn’t turn to Merlin for advice. He couldn’t turn to Merlin at all. The thought broke his heart.

Arthur had seen Merlin perform magic right before his very eyes. He had seen the usual dark blue irises light up in a golden glow. He had heard the deep guttural language come pouring from his lips as if it were easy as breathing. As if it hadn’t been against the law. As if he hadn’t lied and betrayed Arthur. Most of all, Arthur had seen the look of despair, grief, sorrow, and agony envelope those deep blue eyes as Merlin’s gaze met his own. Before Arthur could even process the idea of Merlin being a sorcerer, -a creature of pure evil- Merlin was on his knees pleading. Begging Arthur to understand, to forgive him, it had always been for him and his kingdom. That Merlin would never hurt Arthur, a thought that hadn’t even crossed the young king’s mind in the quick instant of revelation. A rage boiled in Arthur’s blood. Merlin had lied to him, used him for his own sick game. Had abused everything they had built together. The love Arthur had found in Merlin was all a lie and that was what hurt the most.

Merlin pleaded with him to be merciful. He begged for a quick death, for Arthur to spare him the agony of burning on the pyre. Entreated Arthur to save Giaus from his fate and to be kind to his mother. Merlin accepted his own doomed fate with a grace that surprised Arthur. Still surprises Arthur.

Given time, the rage in Arthur had boiled down to a dull simmer, the heat of it being replaced by the icy chill of sorrow. Merlin had lied to him, but Arthur realized now it was for good reason. Could Arthur honestly say that he wouldn’t have killed Merlin from the start if he had known? No. Could he say that he would have understood before he had become king and come out from under his father’s thumb? No. Could he say he would have been forgiving if he had discovered the truth, heart still bleeding and weary form his sister’s betrayal and his father’s death? No. He could not. Merlin had every right to fear him. 

Arthur was drawn from his thoughts by the sound of his door opening. He whirled around to see Merlin standing in the door way, head bent and gazing at the floor. In his hand rested Arthur’s dinner and a thought struck him. Merlin had the opportunity to kill Arthur every day. A word or a simple thought and Arthur wouldn’t have stood a chance. He could have taken the entire kingdom right out of Arthur’s hands and instead, he chose to humble himself. He chose to grovel like a dog for an unforgiving master when he could have been the one holding the leash. Merlin could have been his successor and instead he was his servant, could have been his murderer and instead he was his closest friend and ally.

“Where have you been?” he called, “You’ve been missing for days now. Slacking.”

“I figured you would appreciate some space, sire, to think through what you would do with me.” Merlin replied quietly, placing the dinner plate on the table. He folded his hands behind his back and waited, eyes never leaving the floor just before Arthur’s feet. Arthur frowned at the meek expression and picked up the empty goblet beside him. He measured he weight in his hand and then threw it. He watched as it bounced against Merlin’s head, causing the warlock to look up in shock.

“I didn’t ask you for space, Merlin. You have a job, I expect you to do it until you are released of your post.” Arthur replied sternly.

“Yes sire.”

“What?” Arthur asked, “Are you not going to protest?”

“Protest what, Sire?”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but I threw a goblet at you. This would usually be the time you inform me that I am a clot pole and to stop throwing things.”  
“That isn’t my place, Sire.”

“It’s never been your place and yet you have never failed to do it.” Arthur insisted. Merlin remained silent, eyes moving back to the floor in front of him. Arthur sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Tell what you would have me do, Merlin.”

“Sire?”

“What would you have me do? You’ve always jumped at the chance to share your opinions before. What would you have me do?”

“I can’t give you an opinion, Sire. I don’t have the right.”

“You never did! That never stopped you before!” Arthur yelled. Merlin flinched back a step and the anger in Arthur fizzled out. “I’ve always looked to you for advice Merlin. Ever since the day we met, I trusted your judgment to be fair and honest. I didn’t always like what you had to say, but I always brought it to mind. So how about now? Where is that rare sense of wisdom that always seems to come out in these situations? Tell me what you would have me do.”

“You must do what you feel is right, sire.”

“And if I felt I was right to burn you at the stake for your crimes against Camelot? Would you stand behind it then?”

“I accept any fate you would find agreeable, Sire.”

“Do you want to die?” Arthur pushed desperately. Merlin looked up at him in surprise, eyes wide with fear and disbelief.

“Do I want to? No. No I don’t. Does anyone ever want to die? I’m not crazy or suicidal Arthur! What I did was wrong. I have to face the consequences of my actions.”

“I know why you did it and it wasn’t wrong. You couldn’t tell me, I understand that! You broke the law, I know! That doesn’t mean you should encourage me to execute you!”

“Then what do you want from me?!” Merlin cried, tears appearing in his eyes. 

“Tell me not to kill you!” Arthur shouted, “Tell me that I’m being a clot pole or a cabbage head! Tell me to forgive you and break the law for you! Tell me that I’m king and I can do what I feel is right! Tell me that you still love me and I still love you! Tell me that the law is wrong and I should change it! Tell me my father was wrong and magic isn’t evil!”

Merlin stepped towards Arthur, slowly raising a hand and resting it against the blonde’s cheek. He rubbed gently with his thumb, wiping away the tears Arthur hadn’t realized had fallen.

“You’re being a clot pole.” He whispered gently. Arthur slid his arms around him and drew Merlin toward him. He gripped him tightly, his head tucking into the crook of Merlin’s neck. Merlin slowly wrapped his own arms around the king, hugging him tightly.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“I forgive you.” Arthur replied.

“I love you.”

“Me too.”

“I’ve always used it for you. For Camelot. I’d never use it to hurt you. I can’t use it to hurt you.”

“I know.”


End file.
